Can We Really Be Complete Without a Man?

Oh no she di'int. Oh, yes I di'id. I asked the taboo question. Can we really be complete without a man? I realize that we've all bought into the notion that we don't need a man to feel complete. But exactly what kind of complete are we talking about? Are we talking about career satisfaction? Happiness that our thighs don't rub together? Relief that we can be financially secure and not rely on a man to provide for us? Ok fine. I can dig that. But what about romance?

Can we provide, for ourselves, by ourselves, the needed romance that so many of us crave? Is taking ourselves out to a candlelit dinner the same as sharing it with a romantic partner? Sure, there's always the person who truly is perfectly happy being single. The one that really doesn't want a man around. It reminds me of a conversation I had a few weeks ago with an 80 year old woman I met. She said, like me, that she was an only child (my brothers came about when I was an adult) and, unlike me, never married. Then she said, about five years ago, she looked back on her life and thought to herself, "my God, I never married and never had children. I missed out on that whole part of my life." She wondered what it would've been like to have and raise a family.

Myself, I'm generally happier when I'm single. I do tend to get caught up in men's chaos. (And oh yes, there are a lot of total drama kings out there.) But at times I do feel like something is ... yes, I'll admit it. Something is missing. I want someone to kiss me or hold my hand. I want someone to think I'm really hot and have no problem telling me that - over and over and over again. And if I hear one more time, but you have your kids, I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs - you suck and just don't get it. Holding hands with my kids is sooo way different than holding hands with a man (as it should be). That's like comparing apples to elephants. They're not even in the same food group.

So when will we stop being afraid to admit that we want a man in our life? When did wanting a boyfriend or husband become such a bad thing? When did it become such a secret? It's a primal biological need to be with someone. Save for a few nocturnal primates, we, as primates, are not solitary creatures. If we were, then solitary confinement would seem like a pretty darn good deal as opposed to it driving us insane because of no human contact.

So I'm going to free myself from our self-imposed denials and admit it. Yes, I want a man in my life. Not just any man - the right man. And I'm willing to wait for him, where ever he is. Even the early mother of feminism Gloria Steinem found love. But as I write this, I can feel the low rumblings of women everywhere, believing that I've just set the woman's movement back 20 years by saying that out loud (or worse yet in the written word). But I'm not. I'm just being honest with myself, and with those around me. It's ok to want a mate. But even more, it's ok to admit it.