What Would Dear Abby Do?

I haven't been out on a date in over a year and a half. I think I'm psychologically ready to go on one. I've heard the little voices in my head say just do it, go on a date already. So now that I'm gettin' in the groove, where do I find a date?

According to Dear Abby, I should join a club, volunteer, go to church or take a class. Well, I don't know what kind of club I would join, I don't really have time to volunteer although I was a big volunteerer when I was a kid, I never go to church and I'm not really in the mood to go to class where the students will be the ripe old age of 18. Besides what kind of class would I take? I like to study ancient languages - and have. My degree is in Latin American History. I studied Russian history and language in grad school. So I don't know what class I would take. Although I'd love to study the indigenous Queche language native to Guatemala. Somehow I don't really think that's what Abby had in mind.

So I thought to myself, where might I find like minded people? The library I suppose since I read a lot. Whole Foods? Maybe the movie theater since I go to movies about 3 times a week. I actually kind of found a "strangling" there. He started to talk to me even though clearly I was talking to the cashier (and not him) about 10 feet away from where he was buttering his popcorn. I'm not even sure how he heard my talking unless he was eavesdropping all stalker-like. Turns out he was going to the same movie I was - Forgetting Sarah Marshall - fantastic. I like to sit in the 5th row or so so I don't miss any of the movie action and I'm essentially all alone since no one sits in the front unless there aren't any seats left. Well, this dude sat right behind me. Every time I laughed, he laughed - but usually just after I laughed. He kind of freaked me out so as soon as the movie was over I walked really fast and hightailed it out of theater. I guess running away is exactly how you get a date.

But then I got to thinking - really thinking. Do I, honest to God, really want to go on a date? The truth of the matter is, if I really wanted to go on a date, I would have done it long, long before now. I would have put myself right out there and gone out with someone had they asked. Clearly someone would have asked, had I put myself out there. But honestly, I know exactly what I want and I will not settle until I find the whole package. That is my promise to myself.

But then, someone gave me something that really summed up all of the "issues" I've been pondering. It was a prophecy so to speak. Inside my fortune cookie came this message "knowledge of current events will help you." Apparently I've been looking in all the wrong places. Instead of figuring out classes and looking in stores, I should've been reading the newspaper. Who knew?